The Melting Pot of...Confusion

So one of the great things about this country continues to be the way all of the world's different cultures continue to come together to make up this great nation. I love cultural differences. They help make things interesting... especially when I'm at work and have to deal with someone who has spent approximately 1 week, 3 days, and 14 hours in this country. I know that's a pretty radical estimate there. The actual time is probably a lot less. Anyways, If there's one thing I hate it's dealing with people with accents in the workplace. Foreigners made life a living hell as a barista and as a slave at Target. I come baring examples.

As a barista it was hard enough trying to understand what the hell normal Americans were talking about. Foreigners brought this confusion to a whole other level. This one time I was closing the store by myself and an Indian man walks in. By Indian I mean like Apu, not Chief Wahoo. He's on his cell phone and is looking at the menus talking to the person on the other end about what he wants. After about 5 minutes of argumentative conversation in a language I couldn't understand, he turns to me, hands me his cell phone and says "he wants to talk to you." I say hello and this is what takes place.

Oh! And when reading the man's dialogue use an Apu style accent.

Man: "Hello, I would like the drink you make with all of the steam."
Brian: "Oh, well I use steam to make everything, it's just a way to heat everything."
Man: .... "I want extra steam...lots of steam"
Brian: "I can't actually give you extra steam...it's just air that heats it up."
Man: "Yes...OK.... Then extra steam please. You make it with extra steam on top."
Brian: *Forehead in my hand thinking to myself Fuck it* "Sure extra steam"

I proceeded to make a cappuccino with extra froth. Froth was the closest thing I could think of that could qualify as "extra steam." I made all the drinks, the man walked out. I immediately locked the door.

At Target it becomes even more adventurous. As a barista I was dealing with a very limited number of products and drinks. At Target I'm answering questions about things ranging from bikes and storage totes to pet food and tampons. No... I don't know what brand is the most absorbent. Case in point. On Sunday this woman, again Indian, corners me over by the board games and starts talking the following nonsense. I am not making this up. This is what she actually said.

Woman: "I am looking for strings, things the kids use, make characters and shapes, they watching TV, Disney Channel, Not adhesive, not stick, look like these strings, *points to a board game, the name escapes me but its the one where you put the plastic sticks though this bowl type thing and fill the bowl with marbles and one by one pull out the sticks and whoever causes the marbles to drop loses. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?* for the kids, strings, make things, you have? Not find anywhere. Like strings." *points to the box again*

What I was thinking: "SHIT! What the Fuck did you just say? Can I just turn and walk away and pretend I didn't just have this exchange?"
What I said: "Ummm what exactly are you looking for again?"

She repeats all of that...again. I'm pretty sure the second explanation was more confusing than the first.

I responded with "well, if your just looking for those sticks I'm sure they'd be over here and if you don't see them than I guess we don't have them." meanwhile my brain can only repeat "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK ME" over and over and over.

She decides to describe for a third time. I concede. I have no idea what this woman is talking about. I decide to call Desi for help. The impressive part of this is Desi gets over to me, listens to the woman one time...and realizes shes saying shes looking for pipe cleaners. pipe cleaners... how the hell... I walked away and went in hid in the pet dept. for the next 20 minutes. Of course as luck would have it the front end called for register backup so I decided to respond. Guess who I got to ring out? YYYYYYup...pipe cleaner lady. I hate my life.