So, third day into this little project of mine and already I've run into the problem of not having anything to write about. Nothing happened today that was so outrageously eventful that it warrants me spending my time, or yours, explaining. The last thing I want to be blamed for is wasting ten minutes of your life that you'll never get back. I mean if you have somehow stumbled on this under advertised, under promoted, waste of space blog then you obviously have tons of things on your plate. I understand. Now go back to curing cancer and solving world hunger. That's what I thought. I kid, I kid. Now that I've gotten rid of all the over achievers it's time to get down to business. I mean that's what your all here for.
So this happened last Friday. I figured it's Friday, this story happened on a Friday, close enough. So there's a pretty regular group that comes in each and every day. Really fun group of people. I am able to comfortably joke around with these people and vice versa and feelings aren't ever hurt. So as it turns out on this particular day there was a new addition to the group. He was a pretty funny guy. 2 hours later when the last of the stragglers was getting ready to leave Josephine, the ring leader so to speak tells me:
"HEY! Be nice to this guy. He's like the son I never had you hear me?"
To which I responded of course not a problem. I immediately looked at him and ask "What contest did you lose to get her as a surrogate mother." I thought I had the ultimate burn. Josephine and everyone laughed. Good times. Then he tells me, rather shouts to me from across the room:
Guy: "Ya but see the
thing is, my real mom is a Born Again Christian. Have you ever hung out with one of them?"Brian: "No, not exactly. but I've seen specials on TV and stuff. Those people are whack jobs."
Guy: "O ya! She'll makes toast and is like (in as feminine a voice as possible, mannerisms and all), 'Oh my toast came out just perfect! Thank you Jesus Thank you for this bountiful feast of perfect toast.' And it's like Ma...Jesus had nothing to do with that shit! I think it has more to do with the fact you bought a brand new fuckin' toaster! She drives me fuckin' insane with that shit!"
Keep in mind he was shouting this all across a store full of people...curse words and all.
IT WAS SPECTACULAR! I've never laughed harder. Of course we probably lost a few customers thanks to it, but who cares. The spontaneous nature of it was priceless. It was almost as if this had been building for some time and he finally let out his frustrations. With that in mind I need to go find an old priest and a young priest and have them try to exorcise Satan out of my toaster. I can't remember the last time I didn't end up with burnt toast. That firey bastard. Where's my holy water?
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