The No Name Office Space: The Mail Never Stops... It Just Keeps Coming, and Coming, and Coming!!!

Over the years we’ve seen and heard about a wide variety of technological advancements that were meant to improve the way businesses operate. Voice mail, all in one copier, printer, faxes, and the little up and down lever on office chairs are some of the ones that come to mind. However, the innovation that has probably had the most impact in the office world is one we’re all familiar with. No, not the morning after pill. I’m talking about Email. Email has revolutionized the way businesses communicate with one another and in the process… become the bane of my existence. Allow me to explain.

Hold on just got an email telling me that there is a pot luck luncheon next Wednesday… RSVP? Yes!

For anyone that doesn’t work in an office the concept of email is very simple. Messages containing coupons, simple memos, newsletters, break up letters and various spam are undoubtedly what you’re accustom to. Working in an office changes your perception of what email really is… a tool of the devil meant to drive a person insane. Seriously, it never stops coming. Every 2 minutes that stupid little alert bell chimes and I rush to see what I’ve received like one of Pavlov’s dogs. It’s degrading in all honesty.

I mean really…*DING*…

…

……

………

Sorry 13 more emails came in. Some person in some office somewhere in the country just released a spreadsheet report about something I’ve never even heard of. Good to know.

Email controls every aspect of office life. Who are we meeting? When are we meeting? Where are we meeting? Can you do this, that, and the other? For the love of all that is holy just stop! Half of the time I receive emails that I’ve been copied on that don’t even pertain to me. As a result, I end up sitting there for 10 minutes wondering, “Why was I copied?” “Why didn’t I know about this?” “Should I have known about this?” It’s absolutely mind bottling.

Oh look, the company newsletter. I wonder if there’s anything useful in it that could help me perform my job or live my life. NOPE! Useful news of the week? Who is this “useful news” helping?

The worst part is all of the system generated alert messages I receive on a daily basis. This project is complete. This group has been sent to processing. Your group has been pended. I receive about 100 of these a day. With about 15 relating to something I’m actively working on. Heaven forbid I take a few days off. The resulting rape of my inbox is like something that should be on Law and Order Special Victims Unit. The best part of all of this is that these alerts are generated for the benefit of the people I work with. Last I checked we sit 2 feet away from one another. We could look at one another and say “Hey asshole your group is done.” Instead it takes 6 emails to relay that message.

Then there’s the Crack berry… I mean Black Berry. If email is an instrument of the devil, then the Black Berry is his own personal vibrator. You may be thinking, “I love my Black Berry!” Yeah, it’s great if you’re using it for the internet and YouTube. Sales reps like to use it as a weapon of mass destruction. I didn’t know I was listed in their address book as Hiroshima. They can’t be bothered to respond to one of my simple questions, but they sure as hell can hit the forward button 47 times in 12 seconds. The best is when they don’t realize I’m copied on an email and insist on forwarding it to me anyways. Thanks! Like I needed 2 copies of the 13 emails I just received. Ugh…

*DING!*

Sorry had to RSVP a meeting

*DING*

Sorry again, they had the wrong time. I Had to RSVP to the new time.

*DING*

And that would be me RSVPing again. Apparently they had the date wrong. I think we’re good now.

Email has reached the point where it’s no longer a useful tool. It’s an epidemic. It needs to be stopped. It’s become so easy to communicate that everyone now feels the need to communicate everything. I don’t need you to tell me you received my email. That’s what the return receipt is for. I don’t need to know that you’re out of the office for your Gyno appointment. Merry Christmas to you too person I don’t know.

Seriously, Can I just have a moment’s peace without having to read an email? Is that so much to ask? Can we just go back to office memos and snail mail? I’m begging you… for my sanity…please?