So many of you may not know this by now, but I finally got a real full time job. Unfortunately this job has required me to move to the South. Yes, the South... the deep south. We're so fucking stupid we built our city below sea level South. That's right. I am now a not so proud resident of the not so great state of Louisiana, New Orleans to be exact. I'm not gonna lie, moving and getting adjusted to life outside of Cleveland has been a little rough. For the first time in my life I've finally realized what an amazing culture Cleveland has and how proud of it I am. But that's a topic for another day. The south is interesting to say the least. In the simplest of terms, it's about 40 years behind the rest of the country in terms of innovation and political correctness. But anyways, it's on to the good stuff.
On my first day with Company X I had to travel to Dallas for "Spirit of Company X" day (I'll be referring to my current employer by various names other than its real name to prevent myself from getting fired...yes I'm being dead serious. I can't risk it). So I had to travel to Dallas. I was a little worried about this because I wouldn't have my car and I hate relying on others, especially strangers to get around. Fortunately I landed in Dallas, and made my way to the hotel without incident. Later that night i scheduled myself a cab to get to the office that morning. Everything was set. I was ready for the next day... or so I thought. The Next morning I woke up and got ready to go. Once I got downstairs I saw a truly awesome sight. My cab was parked out front and on time. I breathed a sigh of relief and made my way out the door. Unfortunately I had no idea that my great Dallas adventure was only about to begin. Keep in mind that by adventure I mean a fucking half hour tour around the city on what should have been a 5 minute drive.I walk outside and the guy, let's call him Achmed, asks me if I'm room 431. Sure enough that's me so i get in the cab. I tell Achmed where I 
need to be and he's like OK! we pull out of the parking lot and start driving down the road, 2 seconds later he turns and says "OK which way I go? Which direction? I need exit number!" Really...
need to be and he's like OK! we pull out of the parking lot and start driving down the road, 2 seconds later he turns and says "OK which way I go? Which direction? I need exit number!" Really...Are you fucking serious???
I'm from the god damn O-H-I-O, ACHHHHHHHmed. What did your plane land in Dallas 2 days before mine? Seriously? Like really??? Really...
I then spent the next 25 minutes shitting my pants and trying to get ahold of someone...ANYONE... that could tell me how to get to where I needed to be. Of course I call the phone number for the people that set this shit up and they're in Kentucky and never been to the Dallas office. Let's hear it for corporate America in the 21st century.
Achmed's grand idea is to call his dispatch, scream at them in some way that I can only assume was some sort of foreign language...or a sneeze... I'm not really sure. After getting off of the phone we pull into an office complex. I'm thinking sweet we're here....then i see the address. I need 2100. We're at 6300. OK Achmed... not close at all. We pull out and now I'm thinking he knows where he's at and where he needs to be. 2 minutes later he pulls into a second office complex. Again not close to 2100. Really Achmed? This is how we're gonna do this? Pull into every complex till we get lucky? I felt like I was in some bass akwards game of where's Waldo. Eventually though, he figured it out and got me to where I needed to be and surprisingly just in time to be 5 minutes late. Thanks Achhhhhhmed.Actually I enjoyed the drive so much that I actually called him to pick me up and take me to the airport. Fortunately he knew how to get to the airport.... wait... maybe that's not a coincidence. Oh stereotypes....
